A Quiet Moment Amongst Friends

Frog Band: The Movie

Silent film, 8mm, black and white, 2.5 minutes, 2008

In this short film, two frogs form a band and play a show on the floor of a mysterious man's apartment. Abraham Lincoln watches from the shadows. 

I created this for an experimental film class in the spring of 2008. This was my practice roll of film and I was playing with light and focus by shooting various objects around my apartment. I digitally edited this movie using the small amount of footage that came out looking okay. It's quite sloppy, but the climax is riveting.

The actual Frog Band was passed down to me by my grandparents. They bought these two frogs on a trip to Mexico in the 1970s. Since acquiring them many years ago, I've used them in a handful of art projects. They are my muse. I'll be sharing more Frog Band art in the coming days.

A Real Troll: A Quiet Moment Hits Rock Bottom

Doodle, crayon on paper table cloth, 4 by 7 inches, 2009

This is, without a doubt, the worst drawing I have ever put on this site. On Thursday night I went to Pauline's Pizza in San Francisco. I like it there because the food is good and they let you draw on the tables (you can see previous examples here and here). Throughout the meal, I aimlessly drew a face and then a head. My drawing began to look a little like a troll doll, so I tried to make it into a real troll, but it was too late, the crayon marks wouldn't obey. I ended up with a freakish man-child that is completely unpleasant to look at. 

I came home and tried to make the drawing look better by employing some Photoshop trickery. I placed the little guy into traditional troll habitats to see if it would help, but no luck, it is still terrible art. 

I've gotten into the habit of putting everything I create directly onto this site, no matter the quality or time invested. Maybe this isn't a good idea. 

From now on, this is as bad as I will let the artwork get. To achieve this new quality standard and still keep the site afloat, we'll all have to work a little harder. If you have some art hidden under your bed or if you know someone with interesting art that they haven't shown, steal it or scan it and send it to aquietmoment@gmail.com. Please remember, the art must be nicer looking than this nightmarish crayon troll baby.

UPDATE: I just tried to make the troll cool by adding sunglasses and a thumbs-up, but it still stinks. I give up. (It actually looks a lot like Kim Jong Il.)

UPDATE 2: Oh my god. What if I've completely run out of ideas?

I'm On A Boat (Remix)

Found drawing, crayon and chalk on paper, 8 1/2 x 11 inches, 2009

I was walking in my neighborhood yesterday when I found this drawing on the sidewalk in front of a middle school. It had been stomped on a few times and the artist appeared to be long gone.

In the drawing, a young girl in a small boat bobs around in rough seas. For a scribbly crayon drawing, I was struck by the sadness and isolation it depicts. I liked the drawing so much that I was compelled to dig deeper into the story and bring additional details to life. With pencil and colored pencils, I completed the drawing exactly as, I assume, the original artist would have liked:

 

In the modified version, the girl has a more measured take on her predicament: her messy scowl replaced by a disturbed pout and her freightened stare calmed by the presence of friendly marine animals and a larger, more comfortable boat. I actually destroyed a lot of what was good about the original drawing, but you have to admit that it's nice to have some depth and shading.

That really worked out great! I'm currently exploring this concept of adults finishing the art of children. I think I can make some serious money on this. Most parents would happily pay $50-$100 to have a guy with a blog punch-up their kid's work and make it look professional.

SPECIAL OFFER: For the next few months, in order to build my portfolio and create a business plan, I will finish any kid's drawings for FREE! Send your (young) kid's art to aquietmoment@gmail.com.

How to Make a Potato Piñata

Piñata, paper-mâché, brown paint, 4 x 3 feet, 2009

Arts and crafts are blowing up right now! You can't go anywhere these days without stumbling in to knitting clubs, stencil parties, or people gluing googly eyes on to pieces of driftwood. To get in on the fun, Julia W and my sister, Anna U, created a potato piñata to honor the one year anniversary of Potato Champion, Portland, Oregon's premier Belgian Fry cart. (Potato Champion is owned by Mike M and a photo of the cart was recently featured in a Sunday New York Times article on Portland food culture.)

Completely by coincidence, the potato piñata design that Julia and Anna came up with is the exact same one that you would use to create a California Raisin. 

Here's how you can make your own potato piñata at home:

Step 1: Make the potato shape out of inflated balloons and cover the balloons in newspaper that has been soaked in glue. If you don't have glue, I don't know, maybe try raw eggs? (Optional: Paint it brown, attach eyes to it, and hide treasure inside.)

Step 2: Find a location where people are congregating and hang the potato piñata high in the air, but not so high that a regular-sized person can't reach it with a broom stick. 

Step 3: Destroy the piñata with a series of swift blows! (Optional: Use a blindfold and self-induced dizziness to increase the degree of difficulty.) 

There are other types of piñatas you can make, but if you haven't ever made one, I recommend starting with a potato or a raisin. 

[All photos were taken by Julia W. She also covered the event on her blog.]

UPDATE: Fun fact. My dad, John U the elder, helped build the potato cart. If you zoom in on the New York Times photo you can see the serving shelf that my father carved out of wood. That shelf is now internationally famous!: 

Move Over And Let Me Show You How It's Done!

Doodled logo, pen and colored pen on paper, 6 x 9 inches, 2009

My friend Ben Y alerted me to a contest called, Doodle 4 Google, where Google asks people to come up with new designs for their logo. Unfortunately, Google decided to make this contest only for kids in grades K-12. Thanks a lot, Google. That's really cool how you completely exclude middle-aged guys. What a joke! 

Well, I decided not to abide by Google's stupid, ageist rules and I made my own submission for the contest. I drew this logo just now in the span of 45 minutes (Can you believe it???). Take a peak at the finalists for each age bracket and tell me I'm not one of the best. I definitely have the best doodle in the K-3 group. There are some really good ones in grades 4-6 (and one that a parent clearly drew), but I still think I come out on top. Next, I would crush the 7th-9th graders if it wasn't for that amazing owl and cobweb composition. Still, I think I'm competitive here. Then we get to the 10th-12th graders and, surprisingly, the artwork takes a step backwards creatively. I beat this group handily. Hey guys, just because you know computers doesn't mean you can coast to victory. (Perhaps the Google judges were showing their Adobe Illustrator bias). 

Honestly, I think this entire competition comes down to me and 13 year-old Deldar G's owl. He's got a cool bird and a beetle and I've got a bunch of snake-looking things. It could go either way. If I lose to that dude, I can live with that. 

Man, I really hope it's not too late to get in on this contest. I've been messing around with the code on the voting page, but I can't find an easy way to hack into the server in order to add a field for write-in candidates. C'mon Google, give a guy a break! I can win this!

 

UPDATE: 05/21/09 - Oh brother, they just announced the winner. Really? I could have been a contender!

17 Tips for Thriving in a Recession: Get Rich or Die Trying

Self-help tips, wealth generation strategies, photo collage, 2009 

As everyone knows by now, these are tough times in America. We're dealing with record unemployment, stocks have tanked, and banks aren't lending any money. I'm guessing that you or someone you know has experienced the loss of a job or the loss of savings. To help out my fellow man during these trying times, I put on my thinking cap and came up with some sure-fire ways to get you out of the rut and on the path to riches! My strategies are specially designed for a bad economy. Amazingly, you'll actually be making more money today than you would if the economy was strong! 

You've probably heard about other economic self-help strategies. Well, let me tell you, they don't work. What makes the "Tips for Thriving in a Recession" so special is that these tips are designed to play offense and defense, just like in sports. The offensive tips will equip you with simple, yet aggressive, strategies and techniques to make money, and lots of it. The defensive tips will teach you how to save the money that you currently have. Make money and save money. Now that's what I call a winning strategy!

If you are a book publisher and are interested in helping me get these tips out to a wider audience, please contact me at aquietmoment@gmail.com. (Note to publishers: Please write, "I WANT TO GIVE YOU A BOOK DEAL" in the subject line of your e-mail.)

Tips for Thriving in a Recession

Tip #1: If you start your own pyramid scheme, you are guaranteed to be at the top of the pyramid!

Tip #2: Avoid excercise and physical exertion as much as possible. 

Note: Excercise = Increased Metabolism = More Food = Spending More MONEY!

Tip #3: Cash4Gold is a fantastic resource. Gold is everywhere and now you can turn it into cash. Start with the easily accessible gold; you can get it from book bindings, teeth, Goldschläger, and relatives.

Tip #4: Reuse old t-shirts and towels as cleaning rags and make your own soap out of lard and lye.

Note: This one is certified "green-friendly"!

Tip #5: Anybody can make "herbal" male enhancement pills. Put caffeine and salt in a capsule and start selling!

Note: As long as it's herbal, this is completely legal. However, you may find that your sales improve dramatically if you throw in a pinch of "illegal" ingredients, like meth-amphetamines. 

Tip #6: The exchange rate for cans and bottles in Michigan is $0.10. Get a truck and take your empties there!

Tip #7: Write economic self-help tips on the internet then sell the rights to a publisher and start making big-time money!

Tip #8: If you make counterfeit money, you should stick with ones and fives. The Feds are only after the big bills!

Tip #9: Pay your landlord whatever rent you feel like. He/she won't evict you right away and they might not remember what you actually owe them!

Tip #10: If you see an empty parking spot on the street, wait and help the next car get into the space. You might get a tip for your services!

Note: Some people recommend that you key the car if you don't receive a tip. This is foolish and doesn't result in any more money for you. The trick is to look threatening while being polite.

 

Tip #11: Now is not a bad time to be in prison. You can't beat the free room and board and you'll have a chance to get out, debt-free, once the markets recover!

Tip #12: Following up on Tip #11, nonviolent crimes like pyramid schemes and counterfeiting yield long sentences in minimum security prisons. Trust me, you DO NOT want to end up in a maximum security prison!

Tip #13: This one is pretty obvious, but worth mentioning. Write out your hopes and dreams on a cocktail napkin and put it under your pillow before you sleep.

Note: For best results, do this every night. 

Tip #14: If you are a guy or a gal with long hair, you can cut it off and sell it to a doll factory for big-time cash!

Tip #15: Live by the 'Five H's': Hygiene (obvious), Hyperbole (exaggerate about everything), Handshake (very firm), Hard work (again, obvious), and Harassment (don't do it!). 

Tip #16: Hide a dead mouse in your salad at TGI Friday's or Chili's. If you don't get caught, you'll rake in a huge cash settlement!

Note: Save this tip as a last resort. If for some strange reason you aren't rich after following the first 15 tips, then go ahead with this one. It's timeless and incredibly effective!

Tip #17: Whatever feels good, do it! 

I'm confident that these tips will help you come out on the other end of this recession with more money than you know what to do with. Again, if you know any book publishers, please let them know about the "Tips For Thriving in a Recession". 

Also, now that I've given you these nuggets of wisdom, I have a small favor to ask. If these tips help you become wealthy (and I know they will), I'd really appreciate it if you could kick a little of that cash back to me. I think a 30% cut is fair, but I'm a realist, and I know that I might need to accept less than that. Do the right thing and send money to A Quiet Moment Amongst Friends. 

UPDATE: Kevin R of Ann Arbor, Michigan wrote in with some details to help you with Tip #6:

Rather than rent a truck and drive all the way to Michigan. Here's what you can do to earn cash back!

1. Take pictures of individual cans 
2. Scan the UPC labels of your cans into computer. 
3. PUT in hard drive and backup on external hard drive. This is very important for documentation purposes. 
4. Send all cans (NO BOTTLES) through regular mail to my address. They cannot be crushed. 
5. Photoshop all UPC codes into individual pictures of cans and send them to my email. (make sure the right UPC codes go with right can! You can do this while waiting for cans to arrive at my house!) 
6. After I have received the cans, please send money order for 20 dollars along with a SASE to my address for processing fees! (Very important, without this, I can't properly process cans. Hey, I'm only one person!) 
7. Now here's the fun part. You can actually track your money ON-LINE! After I process cans at grocery store I will send a mobile text to my twitter account telling you how much money you are about to make. 
8. After this, you have two options: I can mail you the in-store grocery credit receipts and you can cash them when you next visit Michigan OR if you are a gold member you can have me cash in the in-store receipts and mail you the cash.

UPDATE 2: May 12, 2009. Apparently a San Francisco couple decided to bypass the first 15 Tips and go straight to Tip 16. Like I said, use caution with this one.

UPDATE 3: May 15, 2009. Here's another follower of the 17 Tips! I can't tell if this Bay Area guy screwed up Tip #8 by counterfeiting large bills, or if he succeeded at Tip #12. It doesn't really matter, he'll come out on top. 

Edith Zimmerman's Food Friends

Food sculpture, fruits, vegetables, photographs, 2008-2009

Clockwise from upper left: "Velociraptor Skull", "Skeleton Man", "Mrs. Clemetine, with child", and "Nosferatu!"

 

 

Edith Z, a friend of my friend, Jessie P, recently discovered her natural ability to bring fruits and vegetables to life. All of her sculptures are featured on her incredibly entertaining blog:

http://www.edithzimmerman.com/blog/

There are other food sculptors in the world, but I haven't seen any examples that are as funny and technically proficient while seeming so effortless. You should definitely check out all of the sculptures on her site. 

Edith's food friends bring to mind the refrigerator claymation sequences on Pee Wee's Playhouse that I loved as a kid (Example 1, Example 2). 

Edith lives in New York and writes for magazines when she isn't sculpting food. 

Stuck on a Staircase in a Hall of Mirrors

Photo-collage, photoshop, color, 2009

Nico C and Caitlin T created this collage from a series of still photographs taken in their hallway. It's almost like one of those Magic Eye pictures from the mid-90s. If you relax your gaze until you almost go cross-eyed, a three dimensional wizard will appear. Try it!

Don't be fooled by the camouflage pants. Nico has no affiliation with the military. Also, what's the deal with that plant? I think it needs some water. 

Shark: An Animated Motion Picture

Video, stop-motion animation, photoshop, 45 seconds, original score, 2009

I adapted my drawing of the fist and the shark into a stop-motion movie. Carl W created an original score using a computer program with beats.

I also created an Animated GIF from the movie's climax that you can share on MySpace or your personal website. 

Making your own cartoons is fun! This is going to put Pokémon out of business.   

UPDATE: Here is the video in a new and exciting format. Thanks to Ben D for the hot tip. 

UPDATE 2: I apologize if it seems like the fist is bullying the cute baby shark. That was not the intent! It was supposed to be about the triumph of good over evil. Like this movie.  [found at this site]

The Buddy System III: The Jaws of Life

Last fall I started a series of posts called The Buddy System where I send the start of a doodle to friends and ask them to create a finished piece. For this latest go-around, the participation was atrocious. I received only two responses, and I'm still accepting submissions.

Here is the drawing that I sent out to my friends:

 

The first response came from an artist and blogger who goes by the name "14". 14 is the author of the fantastic celebrity and surrealist blogs Gallery of the Absurd and Resplendent Chaos. I met her through my previous job at the blogging company and her work inspired elements of this site. She currently has a book in the works that I'm very excited about. [You should spend some time in her archives.] 

For the assignment, 14 created an entire world inhabited by toothy creatures and toothy plants. 

"Chomp", ink on paper, photoshop, 2009

The second response came from Carl W. After some prodding, I received a hastily rendered, yet passionate piece. Carl put the teeth design directly into the mouth of the notorious Miss California in order to make some kind of political statement about gay marriage in America. 

"Miss California", photoshop, 2009

The final submission came from me because I needed one more drawing. This piece represents the correct response to the initial design. Why is this the correct response? Because I drew the initial teeth, and only I know how it is supposed to be finished! 

Behold, a vicious shark taking a knuckle sandwich right in the kisser!

"Shark Bite!", pencil and colored pencil on paper, 2009

If you feel that you have another interpretation of this drawing, please complete it and I will include it with the three submissions above. Send your work to aquietmoment@gmail.com

UPDATE: May 3, 2009 - Lila K stepped up to bat and sent in a rock-solid drawing of a teenage vampire pouring ketchup on a sausage made out of human flesh. 

"Hot Dog Vampire", pen on paper, 2009 

Lila lives in Seattle and makes documentary films. She's currently making films for Pepper Spray Productions, an independent video collective.