Genealogy, photography, digital video, gambling, 2009
Morit G poured through her family archives in a desperate attempt to find a photo of her great-grandfather, Rabbi Samuel Arje from Rovno, Ukraine. According to Morit, Rabbi Arje had the longest, whitest beard that she has ever seen. She never found a photo, but she came close when her research led her to this photo from her great-grandfather's beard-friendly hometown:
With no photo of her grandfather, she was about to give up when, miraculously, the contest was expanded to include distant relatives. With the new liberal rules, she was able to enter the distant cousin of her great-grandmother, Minna Freud (Rabbi Arje's wife) -- that cousin was Sigmund Freud.
Kevin R called upon his aunt to send him a photograph of his great-great grandfather, James Higgins. Higgins was born in Ireland in 1837 and later immigrated to Wisconsin. He married his wife Maria when she was 14. They bore eighteen children. James had a solid, midwestern-style, jumbo goatee:
Anna U entered her great-great grandfather, Jasper Bridge. Jasper lived in Salem, Oregon at the turn of the century. He sported a full-on frontier beard. It's also worth noting that Jasper is smiling, something you don't see very often in posed photos from the olden days. [Full disclosure: Jasper is also my great-great grandfather. He is not related to Captain Tichenor. I'll be following up with Pat U to obtain additional information.]
And finally, my one-year-old second cousin, Winslow C, entered his father Ben C. This pushes the boundries of the contest rules. Technically, as Winslow's father, Ben is a relative, but not a distant relative. I decided to bend the rules and allow Ben to compete after I used Photoshop to age his photo and make him look like a young great-great grandfather.
As always, I conducted a computer-guided visual analysis to determine whether a genetic relationship exists between the ancient beards and the ancient beards' ancestors. As you can see, each of the four new competitors pass the test with flying colors:
Now that the final eight have been selected, a special acknowledgment is needed for Carl W and Betsy G who both made valiant efforts to find photos of beards in their past but came up empty handed.
The Rules
- Each head-to-head contest will be decided by popular vote
- One vote per person per contest (honor system)
- Votes will be cast by leaving a note in the comments
- Each round will accept votes for three days. There will be three rounds of voting over the next nine days (First Round, Semi-Finals, Finals)
- Debating is encouraged
- You are allowed to vote for your own guy
- The first round of voting will include four contests. Voting for the first round will end on Sunday night, April 5th
- Besides the money you can make by gambling with your friends, there will be a secret prize for the winner!
The Judging Criteria
- 10% - Length of Beard - How long did that take to grow?
- 10% - Thickness of Beard - Can you get your fingers through that thing?
- 10% - Style - What unique fashions are incorporated? Mustache, goatee, neckbeard, etc
- 10% - Age - How old is that guy?
- 10% - Competitor Back-story - How does the beard fit in with the guy's narrative?
- 50% - Vibes - As in, "I get a good vibe off that beard" or "That beard gives me the spooks"
The Bracket
Without further ado, here is the official 2009 bracket as well as some notes on the head-to-head matchups
#1 J. Ludwig Riedesel vs #8 Benjamin J. Coleman
By all accounts, this should be a complete blow-out. Ludwig is the oldest competitor and he has the longest beard. Ben is still alive and he just started growing his beard two months ago. Does Ben have a shot in hell? Who knows, stranger things have happened.
#2 Captain William Tichenor vs #7 Cole Younger
I predict that Tichenor versus Younger is going to be surprisingly tight. Tichenor used to sail ships around the tip of South America; Younger used to roam the plains and rob banks. These are tough dudes.
#3 Pesach Wolf Cotlarsky vs #6 Jasper Bridge
The steely-eyed "Wolfman" wears his dark hat into battle against jovial old Jasper sitting out on the back porch. We have a white, well-manicured beard squaring off against the scraggliest beard in the contest. This is a true toss-up!
#4 Sigmund Freud vs #5 James Higgins
Sigmund Freud thought that masculinity was symbolized by the phallus and that its power could be taken away by other men; James Higgins had eighteen children with one wife. This contest is going to be interesting.
THERE ARE FOUR CONTESTS - PLEASE VOTE ON EACH ONE IN THE COMMENTS SECTION - ALL VOTES MUST BE CAST FOR THE FIRST ROUND BY SUNDAY, APRIL 5th
Update: This tournament is almost like illegal pit-bull fighting. I hope I don't fall prey to some type of curse for monkeying around with the memories of these men. This is all in good fun. If any of these great-grandparents are paying attention, I'm sure what they're seeing us do is far more entertaining than looking down from a cloud and watching someone put together a family tree at a library.
Update Saturday, 3:45 pm PST: We've had heavy voter turnout over the last two days. Thanks for all the participation. The voting for this round will end at 12 pm PST, tomorrow night. Right now Riediesel and Tichenor are fending off the competition with ease, while Bridge and Higgins are heading towards upset victories!
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