A Quiet Moment Amongst Friends

Jesus Died at Thirty-Three

I just turned thirty-three, the age when Jesus died. These lists compare my accomplishments with his.

Who do you think had/is-having the more interesting life? You wouldn't expect it, but maybe it's me?

Things Jesus did by age 33:

• Worked as a carpenter
• Slept in a manger
• Wore sandals
• Walked around
• Performed miracles
• Was tortured
• Rode a donkey

Things I did by age 33:

• Went to prom
• Graduated from college
• Ate pizza
• Ate ice cream 
• Started a blog
• Went to Mexico
• Rode a bike
• Had sex
• Watched DVDs
• Shot a gun
• Owned an iPhone
• Went surfing
• Took drugs
• Sat in a hot tub
• Got married/divorced
• Went snorkeling
• Watched sports on TV
• Flew on a plane

Osama Bin Laden's Corpse

On Monday, my friend Seth L and I made these two exquisite corpse drawings while we watched the news coverage of Osama Bin Laden's death. 

Dog Sport Champion 2010

Drawing, pencil on paper, 7 x 10 inches, 2010

 

You might have missed it with all of the Olympics commotion, but last week in New York, the finest dogs in the world gathered at Madison Square Garden for the 134th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. This year's winner was a super cool, down-to-earth Scottish Terrier named Roundtown Mercedes of Maryscot ("Sadie" for short). I made this drawing to honor Sadie's incredible accomplishment. 

I covered this event extensively last year, but was only able to catch bits and pieces of it this year. It's a shame, because I love this contest. It's a great way for dogs to compete without biting each other. Instead of the brutality and filth of cage fighting, dogs are awarded points for manners and hygiene. A 100% improvement!

Once again, my friend Jessie P covered the event for Metromix New York. She and photographer Ryan Muir put together a thoroughly entertaining series of photos and interviews from the event.

Thank you, show dogs, for inspiring us all!

Celebration: A Quiet Moment Amongst Friends Turns One Year Old

Drawing, pen on paper, digital coloring, 500 x 500 pixels, 2009

 

It's hard to believe that a year has passed since the internet gave birth to this site. In honor of the special occasion, I've created a new celebratory header and tidied up the images on the side bars. 

I'm so proud of my little one-year-old that I bought an iPhone as a birthday present! Now I'll be able to make mobile updates from anywhere. Work, home, on the bus, it doesn't matter. I'll be snapping pictures, podcasting, cutting deals. This is like getting called up to the big leagues. VERY EXCITING!

It's sure been a wild year. Here are ten notable posts from the last twelve months:

1. Vladimir Putin's shirtless camping trip became a Fantasy Art epic.
2. Kelsee and Brittny discussed boy problems in a real life comic.
3. The patented "Tips for Thriving in a Recession" helped turn the economy around.
4. Population growth in California was explored with flash animation and doodles. 
5. One Hundred Ronald McDonalds delivered a week's worth of nightmares.
6. Falcor the Luck Dragon went berserk in a trashy web video. 
7. Eight great-great-great grandfathers battled for the title of Greatest Beard (start from the bottom and work up).
8. Taft High School in the Bronx got an inspiring new mascot.
9. Three weird looking dogs battled for the crown at the Westminster Dog Show.
10. The Joy of Christmas Re-Mix became an instant holiday classic.

If you are new to the site, you should also check out the collaborative pieces in The Buddy System series. Because this is a community blog, anyone can send their art projects to [email protected]. You don't have to worry about making bad art because I don't publish anyone's last name. Future employers won't be able to find your sketches of penises and devils.

The Best 2009 Burning Man Art Installations: Rough Sketches

I'm not at Burning Man this year, and I've never been to one, but I went ahead and quickly sketched the best art installations from this year's event based solely on my imagination. 

Here are the top five... 

Three abandoned cars in the shape of a teepee:

 

Somebody shooting an old computer with a hunting rifle: 

A backhoe converted into a dragon: 

 

Professional bodybuilders with over-sized animal masks:

And a port-o-let that somebody accidently set on fire:

 

This may or may not be how the Burning Man artwork shakes out in 2009. I honestly have no idea. 

Vladimir Putin Fantasy Art and Fan Fiction

On August 5th, the Times of London published a story and series of photos of Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin on holiday in the wilds of Siberia. In case you missed it, the photos featured a muscle-bound, shirtless Putin riding a horse, feeding a horse, and swimming in a lake. Putin's former-KGB persona and dictator tendencies fit nicely with these shots of him looking like the Beastmaster. 

 

These images inspired my friend Seth H to create his own work of fantasy art. In his drawing, Vladimir Putin tames a fire-breathing horse while the United States is depicted as a skinny cat scurrying around at his feet. I'm guessing the flower represents democracy and the thunderstorm represents totalitarianism. 

 

 

Seth's drawing inspired the creation of my own Vladimir Putin fan fiction, presented here in three acts with original illustrations.

 

VLADIMIR PUTIN IN THE LAND OF DRAGONS

ACT I

The tale begins with the castle under siege by a ferocious winged dragon. Vladimir Putin is the king of all the land, but he is also the only warrior mighty enough to defeat the airborne menace. 

In this picture, Putin is preparing to head into battle with a long sword made of the finest Spanish steel, a clever elf, and a trusty steed. He has just traded 30 bits of gold for a bag of Magic Horse Feed that will give his stallion ten times more endurance and five times more courage than a regular horse.

After making preparations, Putin rides into battle and slays the dragon by jumping his horse off a cliff, landing on the dragon's back in mid-air, and chopping the dragon's wings off. As the dragon plummets to its death, Putin and the horse use the dragon's detached wings to safely hang-glide back to the ground.  

ACT II

Three months later and the castle is again under siege, but this time the threat comes from the water rather than the air. A family of vicious sea serpents have taken up residence in the castle's moat and they have been eating the local peasants who kneel by the water to wash their filthy rags. After witnessing enough carnage, Putin decides to take matters into his own hands. In the darkest hour of the night he creeps out of the castle, strips naked, and crawls into the reeds at the edge of the moat to wait... and watch...  

In this picture, as daylight breaks, an enraged Putin shoots out of the water, taking the largest serpent by surprise with a fatal Judo chop to the neck. After killing the monster snake, Putin dives down to the bottom of the moat and chops up the smaller serpents with his sword! 

ACT III

One week later, a messenger elf brings word to the castle that another winged dragon has been spotted across the Golden Fields, near the Forest Cliffs. Putin is so mad at the news that he crushes a goblet in his bare hands. Wasting little time, he jumps upon his majestic steed and rides for two days straight until he finds the dragon's lair.  

In this picture, the dragon wakes to the rumbling of the galloping horse. The evil lizard-beast charges at the brave, muscled warrior, but Putin is unfazed. He pulls his horse back to safety and plays a tune on a magical flute that summons a falcon to swoop down and gouge at the dragon's eyes. While the falcon is attacking the dragon, Putin plays another tune that causes lightning bolts to shoot out of the sky right at the dragon's head. The repetition of lightning strikes cause the dragon to catch fire and then explode!

 

After ridding the land of dragons, King Putin rides on wings of glory back to his people. The winds of peace sweep across the land! 

UPDATE: If you would like to add to this epic story or contribute your own Vladimir Putin fantasy art, please send it to [email protected] 

UPDATE II: Giovanni GF created an additional illustration for Act III. After the lightning strikes caused the dragon to explode, the resulting fire set the entire forest ablaze. A triumphant Putin walked away from the carnage unscathed:

An Evening of Fun and Friends at WE Artspace

On Sunday night, a group of friends attended the closing of the "Paint By Numbers" show at WE Artspace in Oakland. Six of the pieces from the Reimagining Sasquatch post were selected for the show. 

Jake C (creator of the Squatchia Transit Map) admired the display. 

The show featured an interactive paint-by-numbers project and works from twenty-one artists based on the theme. Here are a few examples. (I forgot to write down the name and corresponding artist for each artwork. I think the piece in the upper right was called "Wack Jackals".) 

 

The evening featured a jam session by the band CLIPD BEAKS.

 

And an electronic jam by the band Ned.

The gallery dogs had to stay outside.

Local art fans, Eric, Emina, and Kevin, gave the show a big "thumbs up"!

Thanks, WE Artspace, for including the Sasquatch faces and for putting together a cool show. 

UPDATE: If you're in the Bay Area, you should check out their upcoming opening, "How Do I Look?", on August 9th (5-8pm). 

Sotomayor Fever is Sweeping the Nation

Photograph, color film, 2009

Supreme Court Nominee Sonia Sotomayor, March 19, 2009

Carl W, a regular contributor to this site, took the above photograph at a conference for lawyers at Pepperdine University in Malibu, California. The conference was held a full TWO MONTHS before Obama appointed the Honorable Sonia Sotomayor to be a Supreme Court Justice. No one had a clue. Carl thought he was taking a ubiquitous snapshot of his pal, a young bankruptcy lawyer, when really he was capturing a piece of American history!

I spent the entire day listening to the judicial confirmation hearings on NPR and now my head hurts a little bit. Sotomayor was very impressive. She is an incredibly effective debater and public speaker, always calm and to the point. It's somewhat unfortunate that she is going to be confirmed easily and then sent into the musty Supreme Court Cave to spend the rest of her life in seclusion. 

You can see many more of Carl's photographs on his Flickr homepage.

UPDATE: If major news outlets are interested in purchasing this image, they should talk to Carl. 

Introducing QuietMoment.org: A Nonprofit Organization For Friends

Here ye, here ye!

A Quiet Moment Amongst Friends has changed its web address to QuietMoment.org. Because "dot com" was already purchased, I had to convince the government that we are actually a charitable organization. It would be great if everyone could play along so I don't get arrested. You can start by sending donations or signing up for an internship.  

All of the old links will continue to work under the new name, and you'll still be able to access quietmoment.typepad.com. The new name is less of a mouthful and it will hopefully make it easier for people to find this place.

This site is currently ranked third when you Google "Quiet Moment". It's stuck behind a spa in Venice, Florida and a spiritual internet radio station. C'mon, we can beat those guys, easy. 

In The News:

1. I've updated the header to reflect the new web address. This is only temporary and I'll be rolling out a new, prettier header soon. Don't worry, this is still A Quiet Moment Amongst Friends, a quiet space for friends, and friends of friends, to leave their artwork, regardless of quality (as long as it is nicer looking than this troll I drew in crayon at dinner a month ago).

2. The Sasquatch Face post was such a tremendous success that it's been pulled out of the internet and turned into an actual work of art in an art gallery. Six of the Sasquatch pieces are part of a group show at We Art Space in Oakland based on the theme, "Paint by Numbers". If you are in the Bay Area, you can check it out, in the flesh, from July 2 through July 26: 

Paint By Numbers

We Art Space

768 40th Street

Oakland, CA

July 2 and July 26 (other times by appointment)

3. I'll be in New York for most of the next week, so it is going to be really slow around here. Last time I was in New York, I got the idea for the Taft Mascot. Good stuff may come out of this!

4. I've been taking a figure drawing class with nude models. I'm going to start working gratuitous nudity into my regular blog posts to help with ratings. 

To start things off, here are two blind contour drawings that I did during the first two classes. Blind contour means you don't look at your paper when you draw and you don't lift your pencil off the paper.

17 Tips for Thriving in a Recession: Get Rich or Die Trying

Self-help tips, wealth generation strategies, photo collage, 2009 

These are tough times in America. We're dealing with record unemployment, the stock market has tanked, and banks aren't lending any money. Many of us have experienced the loss of unemployment and almost all of us have lost a portion of our savings. In order to help my fellow man during these trying times, I developed some sure-fire ways to get you out of a rut and on the path to riches! My strategies are specially designed for a bad economy, but they'll still work once the economy improves. If you follow my 17 Tips for Thriving in a Recession, you'll probably find that you're making more money today than you were when the economy was strong! 

You've undoubtedly heard about other self-help strategies that promise to make you rich. Well, let me tell you, none of them work. What makes the "17 Tips for Thriving in a Recession" so special is that these tips are designed to play offense and defense, just like in sports. The offensive tips will equip you with simple, aggressive strategies to make money, and lots of it. The defensive strategies will help you save the money that you currently have. Make money and save money. Now that's what I call a winning combo!

[Special Note: If you are a book publisher interested in helping me get these tips out to a wider audience, please contact me at [email protected]. Please write, "I WANT TO GIVE YOU A BOOK DEAL" in the subject line of your e-mail.]

17 Tips for Thriving in a Recession

Tip #1: If you start your own pyramid scheme, you are guaranteed to be at the top of the pyramid!

Tip #2: Avoid excercise and physical exertion as much as possible. 

Note: Excercise = Increased Metabolism = More Food = Spending More MONEY!

Tip #3: Cash4Gold is a fantastic resource. Gold is everywhere and now you can turn it into cash. Start with the easily accessible gold; you can get it from book bindings, teeth, Goldschläger, and relatives.

Tip #4: Reuse old t-shirts and towels as cleaning rags and make your own soap out of lard.

Note: This one is green-friendly.

Tip #5: Anyone can make herbal male enhancement pills. Put caffeine and salt in a capsule and start selling!

Note: As long as the pills are herbal, this is completely legal. However, you may find that your sales improve dramatically if you throw in a pinch of "illegal" ingredients like methamphetamines. 

Tip #6: The exchange rate for cans and bottles in Michigan is $0.10, more than double the $0.05 you get in most states. Get a truck and take your empties there!

Tip #7: Write economic self-help tips on the internet, sell the rights to a publisher, and start making big-time money!

Tip #8: If you make counterfeit money, you should only make ones and fives. The Feds are only after the big bills.

Note: Have you ever seen a cashier hold a $5 bill up to the light to see a watermark? Exactly, they only do that with big bills! 

Tip #9: Pay your landlord whatever rent you feel like. He/she won't evict you right away and if you make strange payments, like $832.14, they might not remember exactly how much you owe them!

Tip #10: If you see an empty parking spot on the street, wait and help the next car get into the space. You might get a tip for your services!

Note: Some people recommend that you key the car if you don't receive a tip. This is foolish and doesn't result in any more money for you. The trick is to look threatening while being polite.

 

Tip #11: Now is not a bad time to be in prison. You can't beat the free room and board and you'll have a chance to get out, debt-free, once the markets recover!

Tip #12: Related to Tip #11, nonviolent crimes like pyramid schemes and counterfeiting yield long sentences in minimum security prisons. Trust me, you DO NOT want to end up in a maximum security prison!

Tip #13: This one isn't obvious, but it's worth mentioning. Write out your hopes and dreams on a cocktail napkin and put it under your pillow before you sleep.

Note: For best results, do this every night. 

Tip #14: If you are a guy or a gal with long hair, you should cut it off and sell it to a doll factory for big-time cash!

Tip #15: Live by the 'Five H's': Hygiene (obvious), Hyperbole (exaggerate everything), Handshake (very firm), Hard Work (duh, obvious), and Harassment (don't do it). 

Tip #16: Hide a dead mouse in your salad at TGI Friday's or Chili's. If you don't get caught, you'll rake in a huge cash settlement!

Note: Save this tip as a last resort. If for some reason you aren't rich after following the first 15 tips, then go ahead with this one. It's timeless and incredibly effective!

Tip #17: Whatever feels good, do it! 

 

I'm confident these tips will help you come out on the other end of this recession with more money than you know what to do with. Again, if you know any book publishers, please let them know about the "17 Tips For Thriving in a Recession". 

Also, now that I've given you these nuggets of wisdom, I have a small favor to ask. If these tips help you become wealthy (and I know they will), I'd really appreciate it if you could kick a little of that cash back at me. I think a 10% cut is fair, but I'm a realist, and I know that I might need to accept less than that. Do the right thing and send money to A Quiet Moment Amongst Friends. 

 

UPDATE: May 12, 2009. Apparently a San Francisco couple decided to bypass the first 15 Tips and go straight to Tip 16. Like I said, use caution with this one.

UPDATE 2: May 15, 2009. Here's another follower of the 17 Tips! I can't tell if this Bay Area guy screwed up Tip #8 by counterfeiting large bills, or if he succeeded at Tip #12. It doesn't really matter, he'll come out on top.