A Quiet Moment Amongst Friends

How To Make Your Own Sea Monster

My friend Jake C was cooking recently when he noticed that his silicone oven mitt looked like the Loch Ness Monster. He followed a few simple steps to turn it into a real sea monster. Here's how you can do it at home:

Step 1: Put a silicone oven mitt on your hand and hold it out so it looks like a lizard. 

Step 2: Put something on the mitt to make eyes and nostrils (buttons or olives, it doesn't really matter).

Step 3: Take a digital photograph of the mitt. (Jake used his cellphone to take and edit the photo, so you don't need to be a genius or rich, okay?)
 
 

Step 4: Import the photo into a digital art program and add a bunch of fog, hills, and waves. You can also add optional features like fish, boats, or the moon. Have fun! 

Step 5: Send it to all your friends. 

That's all there is to it. I hope you enjoyed learning how to make a sea monster. 

 

Heart Hospital 911

Every day on my way to work I pass a temporary mural created by children that sits in front of a construction site at San Francisco's General Hospital. Most of the mural depicts anthropomorphic hearts that have fallen ill. This is their story. 

It had been a normal morning at the hospital before ambulances began showing up with dozens of critically ill hearts. Alarms bells sounded and physicians were called in from every department to begin a triage.

Time was of the essence. 

While the day was stressful in some ways, the doctors couldn't help but smile as they operated on hearts instead of people for a change.

The human patients in the hospital enjoyed meeting the hearts, but the hearts were uncomfortable around the humans.

As soon as the hearts started to feel better, they would get up and dance around. Some of the hearts would also sing. The hospital staff were not amused. 

While there were many happy stories at the hospital that day, sadly, not every heart survived. 

The End. 

Fifteen Months in a Cubicle

Osama Bin Laden's Corpse

On Monday, my friend Seth L and I made these two exquisite corpse drawings while we watched the news coverage of Osama Bin Laden's death. 

Mysteries of the Human Body

Hey, everyone, I'm currently training to become a doctor, but instead of going to medical school, I've decided to figure everything out on my own. I created a series of animated diagrams illustrating the most critical bodily functions. These are the areas of the body I'll be working on every day in my clinic.

 

Blood

Blood is the fuel that powers the body and keeps all of the internal parts moist. The heart moves the blood around the body so that it doesn't slow down and stagnate. If blood sits in one spot for too long it turns blue.

If you lose blood, either through injury or blood donation, your body will eventually make more of it. I'm not exactly sure how that works.

Breath

After blood, breath is the most important bodily concern. The lungs create air, or "breath", and shoot it out into the atmosphere to collect oxygen molecules. You can think of breath like a swarm of bees that collect honey and bring it back to the hive. Your breath is always out there working hard, looking for oxygen. 

Guts

The guts of a human body are incredibly complicated. Guts encompass all of the internal functions not related to breathing, blood, or your brain. Put your hand on your belly and push in. Everything you feel under there is your guts. 

The most famous thing that guts do is turn food into waste. Your guts also alert you to throw up when you eat something rotten. 

Nerves

Nerves are the invisible pathways that send and receive signals from the brain. Very little is known about how this works. For example, you can think about moving your foot, and it moves, but sometimes if you sit cross-legged for too long, your foot won't move even if you want it to. Stranger yet, if you poke a sleeping person in the foot with a stick, they will kick. That wasn't even their thought. They were asleep!

Hair

Hair is the most aesthetically pleasing bodily system, but it also plays a critical role in our survival. The body uses hair to regulate temperature. If you live in a cold climate, you will grow a lot of hair in the winter and shed it in the summer. People living in hot climates are practically hairless.

I hope you learned some things about the body that will help you live a healthy life.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: While the information presented here is factually correct, I am not yet licensed to practice medicine and therefore cannot recommend the use of this information to diagnose or treat a medical condition. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, please call 911.

Things I Did in January

 

 

This past January I participated in the annual Fun-A-Day art show. The event takes place in cities across the country and the only requirement is that participants create one art piece per day for the entire month of January. For my project, I created a daily animation based on the most notable thing that happened each day. At the end of the month I had thirty-one very short films that I stitched together into a silent movie that was shown on a loop at the Rock Paper Scissors Gallery in Oakland.

For the web version of the video, I asked my friend Carl W to help with a soundtrack. I was basically asking for Carl's interpretation of my interpretation of my month. It could have been a huge mess, but Carl came through with a big song that gives the animation some emotional depth. Slam dunk.

UPDATE: Here are some pictures from the show on February 4. (Photos courtesy of Nick L, the show's curator):

 

A Walk In The Park

It's been a while since I've had a piece of kid art to work on. Yesterday I found this anonymous child's artwork on the sidewalk in front of my apartment. I can understand why someone would toss this in the street; it's awful. First, you can barely discern the person standing beside the anthropomorphic sun, then, there's the blatant attempt to cover up the sloppy illustration by haphazardly piling on stickers. It's a complete mess. Mercifully, I brought it home and shaped it into a beautiful artwork. As you can see, my version is so much better it's not even worth debating.

UPDATE: I'm trying to start up a business where I critique and improve children's art. Send me your kid's art and I promise to give it an honest assessment. For the time being, I'm providing this service for free. 

It's My Sister's Birthday

I made her a card.

One Hundred Ronald McDonalds

Collection, found photographs, One hundred 120x120 pixel squares

The one hundred Ronald McDonalds that make up this collection were selected from publicly available images on the internet. Each of these images shows a professional Ronald McDonald, past or present, working somewhere in the world. 

I was inspired to put this collection together after viewing a photograph of a friend with Ronald McDonald at a charity event. It struck me that multiple, authentic Ronald McDonalds must exist at the same time. This collection attempts to show the diversity that exists within this sub-category of the professional clown world. Some of these Ronalds are old, some are young, and some might actually be ladies. These photos, taken together, also highlight the disturbing qualities inherent in every clown. Think of this collection as fragments of memory in the mind of a child. Taking your kid to McDonald's may cause serious, long-term psychological damage. 

Click here to view a full size image of the entire collection.

UPDATE: Who are your five favorite Ronalds? Post your responses in the comments. 

Three Christmas Miracles

Animated GIFs, 500 x 500 pixels, 2010

A Quiet Moment Amongst Friends would like to wish you and your family the happiest of holidays. If, however, you don’t have a family, then we’d like to send all of our holiday wishes directly to you. Additionally, if your holidays are already going so poorly that they can't be turned around by well wishes, don’t worry. You can bookmark this page and come back next year.

UPDATE: What's this!?! A fourth Christmas miracle! Tiny Tim has come to visit and he is so much tinier than I expected.

 

He wants me to pass along his famous quote: "God bless us, every one!"  

Thanks, TIm!